By Jake Buvala – Last updated February 25, 2025
You got a puppy, and it’s turning out to be a lot more challenging than you expected.
I mean, you knew getting a dog would be hard work, but holy crap, you were not prepared for THIS.
Sound about right?
Let me tell you how I know that.
Years ago, I wrote a blog post called “Thinking of Returning Your New Puppy to the Shelter/Breeder?”
It was about what to do when you’ve totally HAD IT with your new dog. I shared my experience raising my first puppy, and just how frickin’ hard it was. I was pretty sure I’d ended up with the worst puppy in the world.
That post was different from the dime-a-dozen practical yet boring “how to train your dog” articles I’d been writing up until that point. It was less about dogs, and more about humans and the monsters in our heads.
I didn’t think anyone would read it, honestly.
Boy, was I wrong!
Turns out, a lot of people experience serious doubt and despair when they get a new dog
I received a steady stream of emails -more than I could keep up with- from people pouring out their hearts.
“Oh thank God!” they said. “I thought I adopted the worst puppy in the world, too. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.”
No, you’re not the only one.
Those emails inspired me to take my dog training career in a new direction, specializing in helping people overcome the “What The **** Was I Thinking?!” phase of dog ownership (also known as the “puppy blues”).
So yeah. I’ve worked with a lot of people in your position, and I can tell you that…
What you’re going through is much more common than you’d think
What’s amazing about the people we work with is how similar they all are. From all over the world -a remote cattle station in Queensland to a brownstone in Brooklyn- from all kinds of backgrounds, from teenagers to retirees, everyone’s stories are pretty much the same.
They feel like their lives have been turned upside down. They’re dealing with sleep-deprivation and social isolation served with a generous helping of self-doubt.
Everyone shares the same fears and frustrations.
And everyone thinks they’re alone.
To show you just how not-alone you are, here are some of the most common statements we’ve heard from struggling puppy parents:
“I’ve had my dog three days and I can’t take it anymore.”
Roughly half of the messages we receive are from people who’ve had their dog for three days. I don’t know what it is about the 72-hour mark, but it’s when a lot of people hit their breaking point. Or at least it’s when they hit up Google for the answers and find us.
The first few days can seem impossibly difficult. But it does get easier. You’re in the belly of the whale! This isn’t the time to give up. It’s the time to knuckle down and push through.
“I wanted a dog my whole life. I did tons of research but I was not prepared for THIS.”
Getting a dog is a bit of a culture shock, and the only way to really understand it is to do it. This oh shit sensation does not mean your research was in vain, or that you’re doing anything wrong.
See also: 7 Unexpected Challenges that Can Make Even The Most Prepared Puppy Parent Want to Throw in the Towel
“I had dogs growing up but I was not prepared for THIS.”
Maybe your last dog truly was an angel who could do no wrong. Or maybe it’s because your parents did most of the work raising your family’s dogs. Or maybe you’ve forgotten how tough the early days with your last dog were – time heals all puppy bite wounds, after all.
Even professional dog trainers can have a rough time with their new dogs. Every dog presents new and exciting challenges. They keep you humble that way.
See also: How I Survived the First Three Months with a New Puppy (and You Can, Too!)
“I don’t love this dog. Aren’t you supposed to love your dog?”
Indeed, that’s usually the goal… but not right away! Yeah, sometimes people do fall madly in love with their new dog on the first day. But in most cases, it’s a process. Bringing your new dog home is only the first step. You still have to build the relationship.
See also: Whatever Tomorrow Brings: the Most Important Thing to Know Before (and After) You Get a Dog
“I’m a prisoner in my own home.”
The thing about raising puppies or adding a rescued dog to your life: if you do it right, it takes up all your time. The more work you put in now, the better things will be later.
And yes, that can mean being stuck at home for a while. It can mean not showering/sleeping/eating food more nutritious than Top Ramen.
But this is temporary. It will not always be like this.
See also: 5 Ways to Break Free of the Puppy Blues
“The thought of doing THIS for the life of the dog makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. I just want my life back!”
“THIS” can refer to a lot of things. Potty training, 24/7 supervision, keeping the puppy from biting the toddler, feeling trapped because your puppy screeches when left alone for two seconds, dealing with the constant existential crisis that for some reason this experience triggers for all of us, or even just the pressure of being responsible for another living being for the next 10-ish years.
Like I said, THIS is temporary. Eventually, the puppy will be house trained, the dog won’t require a tenth of the supervision they require now, they’ll sleep through the night, they’ll stop harrassing the toddler, the existential crisis will abate (haha just kidding, the existential crisis never stops).
And that whole “I want my life back!” thing? I’m pretty sure you won’t feel that way a year from now. The dog will become an important part of your family, and you won’t be able to imagine life without them.
See also: Puppy Biting: Why Nothing You Try to Stop the Biting Actually Works
“Nothing is really going wrong but I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.”
We often hear this from people who say that training’s going fine, the puppy sleeps at night, the kids love him, etc.
Nothing’s wrong.
So why is everything wrong?
This phenomenon may feel weird, but it’s a surprisingly common symptom of the What the **** Was I Thinking phase.
Now, I’m only an armchair psychologist, not a real one, so take what I say about human behavior with a grain of salt. But here’s my theory:
The early days with a new dog disrupt every aspect of your life. You now have to think about all your little daily routines that used to be autopilot. Plus, raising a new dog is a lot of emotional hard work, which can leave you just as exhausted as physical hard work.
So it’s natural for your brain to slam the brakes and screech, “NO! DO NOT WANT.”
So does this mean that I can guarantee that with a little patience, by golly, everything will be fine?
Of course not. There are certainly some cases where everybody would be better off if the dog found a more appropriate home.
And I’m not saying you just have to suffer through this phase, or that time will magically fix all the puppy behavior challenges you’re facing. There’s plenty of things you can do to get the out-of-control hyper bitey whiney stuff under control and make your life a hell of a lot easier. We cover the specifics of that in our program, if you want some help.
See also: 10 Common Mistakes That Make Puppy Behavior Worse
BUT. I am saying that this panicky, overpowering “I have to get rid of this dog NOW” feeling is normal.
And in the vast majority of cases, it’s temporary. It’s just your brain going into self-preservation mode, wanting to things to go back to normal so it can space out in front of Netflix.
You can do this. I believe in you.
Want our help with your pup?
I wanted to build something that would help struggling puppy parents break free of the puppy blues. So I did.
Puppy Survival School is a low-cost yet comprehensive online program that will help you raise a happy, well-behaved puppy without losing your mind. It includes video tutorials plus direct access to me (and Erin, my partner-in-crime/fellow trainer/wife) for personalized guidance in our private community.
